Brandan and Mary Fighting Explained: 90 Day Fiance The Other Way Couple Grow Increasingly Miserable

From the start of 90 Day Fiance: The Other Way Season 5, fans observed that Brandan and Mary were a toxic couple.

It started with the constant two-way surveillance, the obsessive control, and the emotional blackmail.

Fans hoped that things would improve when they got together in person. But instead, it all quickly went downhill.

Yes, Mary became pregnant, and Brandan proposed. But those aren’t signs of happiness. Those may be two of their biggest issues.

For the longest time, Brandan and Mary’s fights were about possessiveness, unhinged jealousy, and “overthinking.”

Brandan and Mary are together now in Candoni, in the Philippines … but the fights haven’t stopped.

Instead, their constant conflicts have changed. And it has Mary’s family, who witness a lot of it, worried about their future.

To the horror of viewers, Brandan and Mary’s once-cute affection (she literally didn’t know how to kiss when they first met) has devolved into something miserable.

They went from gushing over each other to learning to navigate awkward realities to … just quarreling over every little thing.

On Episode 14, Mary shared that she shared her pregnancy news with her grandmother. That sparked a concern — that Brandan and Mary’s constant fighting might impact her pregnancy, or the baby. (Hormones like cortisol can absolutely impact fetal growth; that is not an old wives’ tale)

For years, Brandan worked hard — to help out his godmother who took him in, and to send money to Mary to build “their” house. But something changed.

Mary complained about how Brandan was sleeping in and playing games on his phone. Those are very age-appropriate behaviors for a 23-year-old … but not encouraging for a partner and a father-to-be.

Their fights increased as Brandan apparently didn’t help out Mary like she wanted. And it became embarrassing; even the neighbors could overhear their bickering.

Mary definitely noticed that they were only fighting harder after they became engaged.

Brandan took to yelling at her. And that wasn’t the only volume issue, as he’d turn up the volume on a video when she asked him to turn it down. Childish, contrarian s–t that you just don’t do to someone you love.

Speaking of which, Brandan escalated to verbal abuse, spouting things like “f–k you, Mary.” Awful.

Sometimes, people who love each other do disagree. But even if their conflict had been healthy (it was not), the aftermath was also bad.

Brandan would simply storm out of the house and sleep on a stone bench in town. Deeply weird.

We all heard him insist that he was doing his best, but … clearly, he wasn’t. They were making each other, and themselves, miserable.

Mary kept holding out hope that Brandan would change. But they kept on with the relationship.

Eventually, Mary became pregnant, and she told him as much.

That didn’t fix Brandan’s attitude. If anything, it may have simply cemented his feeling of being trapped in the life that he chose. Because it’s no longer just about him and Mary.

Brandan is only 23 years old. He did not seem eager at all to leap into fatherhood. They are both way too young to be parents.

(Let’s be clear, this is not all on Mary. Brandan could have, but clearly chose not to, vastly reduced the odds of pregnancy)

Meanwhile, Brandan feels doubly powerless because not only is he “stuck” in the Philippines, but he can only work if he marries Mary.

So there are financial pressures. There’s the looming pressure of impending fatherhood. And there’s the fundamental weirdness of dealing with Mary’s family dynamic.

Then there are other stressors. He’s adjusting to living in a new country. It’s very different, and he doesn’t speak the language.

He seemed to start to “check out” after Mary’s pregnancy news. It could be misery and crushing reality hitting home … but it’s also unfair to Mary.

Right now, Brandan depends upon Mary for almost everything.

It’s not just translating, it’s the house. He paied for it, but it’s Mary’s. She and her family could kick him out.

And while he could, in theory, just return to the US, he’d be leaving behind a baby. Plus, Brandan and Mary do really love each other. Even when they don’t act like it.

All told, Brandan’s behavior spells out that he’s increasingly unhappy with this new life … and wants to go home.

It seems way too late. And, of course, we know that he and Mary married.

Perhaps they could come to the US on a marital visa. But they’d have to work out their issues, raise a lot of money, and wait a few years, first. Can their relationship last that long? Should it?